I have a very very very terrible stammer. Some people don't know this, well that's because I don't stammer all the time, and I manage to conceal it quite well actually, if I didn't it'll be a very disturbing experience for those around me.
Well, most people think of stammering simply as repitition of words or parts of words, well that's one part of it, the other part, the part that personally causes me the most distress is 'blocks', these are involuntary silent pauses in which the stutterer is unable to produce sounds. Blocks are very very annoying, and they happen at the weirdest times, I get blocks when I'm trying to produce the hard G sound- like 'Good', so it's especially difficult to greet someone by saying 'Good Morning, or Good Day' I have to circumvent this by just saying 'Morning' and smiling, little does the recipient know the trouble I had been going through just to say that. However I can overcome a block if I want to (I do this when I'm in familiar company) but overcoming a block would mean a jerking of my head, leading people to think I'm choking or having some kind of epilepsy fit- it's quite amusing sometimes actually.
But blocks also have their advantages, especially in arguments, the old adage goes: "Think before you talk"..well normally I don't usually think much before talking, but since stammering prevents me from talking, I use that time in silence to think and develop my argument. So while people are rambling on, I'm there...trying to speak, but unable to do so, thus having to listen, smile, think and try again this time with an easier consonant sound.
Another aspect of stammering that is perhaps most annoying and most amusing is the prolongation of sounds, especially when 'M' begins a word or a syllable. So I'm there trying to say Good Morning to my Grandma (I call her mummy- grandma would be a hell of a job) I see her for the first time in the morning, custom asks for me to greet her, she sees me, expecting a greeting, I try to greet her, but the G is stuck somewhere in my throat so I can't say 'Good Morning, Mummy', I then take the other route 'saying the Mummy first'..prolongation now comes, causing me to say Mmmmmmmmmmummy G,(still stuck) G (stuck) Goo(easing up a bit) Good mmmmmorning (finally there) So while people greet people without even noticing it, I have to make a concious pre-meditated effort to utter my words. Something that should take a second to utter becomes a play recital for me.
Stammering is cool sometimes though, well, it's cool when people feel embarrassed and have to apologize to me after making fun of my stammering. It happens quite a lot- I stammer, someone laughs and makes fun of it, I reply with a stern face- "What is funny? I have a stammering problem" They notice their indiscretion and begin apologizing- I laugh at them internally.
Thankfully I don't stammer with every single word I say, but I notice I tend to stammer a lot when speaking on the phone, leading to weird pauses in the conversation with the person on the other end saying "Hello..Hello, Julian, you there" I reply like five seconds later, out of breath because I've been struggling with myself trying to simply say - 'still here'
No cure for stammering exist, but some myths on curing stammering include consistently drinking water from a snail shell for the rest of one's life and "hitting a stutterer in the face when the weather is cloudy" (please don't do this!)
I don't look at my stammering as an ailment though, it's a part of me I've grown to consider unique and love.
I just dread the day I propose to my wife, as I have trouble verbalising the 'W' sound, this would rule out me saying "Will you marry me?" My already discussed problems with 'M' would also rule out 'Marry me honey!"..I guess I may have to propose through facebook or by post. C'est la Vie
